“Find something that you truly care about— and live a life that shows it.”
— Kate Wolf
WHAT DO CLIENTS WANT FROM PERSONAL LIFE COACHING?
I have been a Personal and Professional Coach for nearly 25 years. During that time, I’ve worked with a stunning variety of clients with varying needs, desires, and issues.
But almost all seek help in accomplishing two big goals.
They want to:
1) Create successful results:
Engaged, and thriving lives and careers. Fulfilling relationships. Happy families. They want to write books, make art, create films. Some want to transition from an existing job to a more suitable one. Some want help finding a job, or starting a career. Others long to create profitable small, medium-sized, and home-based businesses. Or improve an existing one.
And, they also want to:
2) Accomplish those goals in a simple, effective, enjoyable, low stress way.
However, when they first come to me, most struggle with how to achieve both simplicity and success, without unnecessary stress and strain.
SIMPLICITY vs. SUCCESS?
Simplicity and success can, at first, seem to be competing goals or values.
Clients tell me they oscillate back and forth between them, rather than consistently move forward toward one or the other. Or both
Many, for example, aspire to live a simple, minimalist life that gives them more time, energy and resources for doing that truly matters.
But, there’s a catch.
“I need to declutter,” many say, “before I can focus on what matters.”
But, when their clutter is gone, and their focus shifts to “what matters”—i.e. their version of success—their situation improves, but it rarely results in what they most want.
As they focus attention and energy on what matters, closets again fill up. Workspaces become messy and disordered. Dust bunnies breed under and behind the furniture.
Again, clutter distracts, pulling their focus away from their success efforts. So they put success on hold, and go back to clearing out clutter, or reorganizing their space.
This see-saw patterns hold true with organizations as well as individuals.
Leaders and business owners express the same two desires: create a successful, and productive organization—and do so as simply, effectively, and cost effectively as they can.
But, again, it is easy to oscillate between the two goals, rarely fully completing either. Frustration, lack of productivity, low morale and limited profit result.
In both cases, oscillation and frustration arise because these individuals and organizations do not work within an organizing framework that integrates what seem to be competing values.
Rather, they operate (usually unconsciously) in a problem-solving framework, in which their actions are driven by intensity, i.e. bad feelings about the problem, and getting rid of, or relief from that intensity.
“A mind saturated with fear of failure, or images of unwanted results, can no more accomplish, create, or produce anything of value, than a stone can violate the law of gravity by flying upwards.”— Bob Proctor
When “Intensity” Drives The Action
While conventional problem solving helps mechanical and technical problems, it rarely leads to real and lasting results in human affairs.
When problem-solving focuses on getting rid of or relief from, intensity, it can lead to a frustrating, vicious circle, as described by my mentor, Robert Fritz, author of the excellent book, The Path of Least Resistance:
The Problem Returning
This problem-driven structure oscillates between action and less action, so lasting results are not created.
There is a better way.
From Problem-Focused To Creating-Focused Results
The creating process is the most powerful organizing structure in which to create results that matter—in part because it can embrace and transcend problems, issues, obstacles and adversity as part of the process of creating desired results.
You can rise above intensity-driven oscillation by shifting to an integrated both/and structure, such as the creating-based Life Design Framework I help clients master and apply to creating what matters.
With it, you can organize “simplicity” and “success” in a “hierarchy of value” by choosing one result as your Primary Choice, and designating the other result as a Secondary Choice.
The key to creating simplicity and success lies in organizing secondary results in ways that also support your primary result.
If success is most important, you devise an approach to simplicity that supports success. If simplicity is key, you create a form of success that supports it.
In an integrated, hierarchal framework, would be creators find it easier to shift their primary focus from problems and intensity to results that truly matter. And bring those built-to-last results into being simply and effectively. Even enjoyably.
Two Kinds Of Simplicity
“I would not give a fig for the simplicity on this side of complexity.— Oliver Wendell Holmes
But I’d give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity.”
The simplicity on this side of complexity comes focusing on what you don’t like and don’t want, and merely trying to solve “problems” such as “clutter” or “disorganization.”
The simplicity on the other side of complexity is achieved by focusing on what you truly dowant—and consistently taking action to bring it into being.
But, frustrated by back-and-forthing between simplicity or success, many try to simplify the either/or conundrum by ignoring one of the values.
For example, when we first met, a client told me that he’d taken the stand, “If I can’t balance my life and career, I’m only going to focus on one of them, and let the other take care of itself.”
But, as you no doubt see, that was not likely to work.
My client achieved a kind of simplicity on this side of complexity, but six months after he made the announcement above, he was trying to solve the “problem” created by focusing on his career, and ignoring his life.
He came to me frustrated and burned out from oscillating between goals.
The Simplicity On The Other Side Of Complexity
Using the hierarchical Life Design Framework, I helped him integrate his goals within a structure that greatly increased his chances of creating both.
The Life Design structure is driven by vision, grounded in reality, and focused on action that leads to your most longed for results—and the secondary results that support them.
For my client, problem solving became just another action step on his path to the simplicity on the other side of complexity.
He chose. “A simple, healthy and productive life” as his primary result. Then organized his career to support it. By the end of our coaching relationship, he was well on his way to creating both.
Most great results, in individual lives and society at large, are not merely solutions to problems.
Rather, they are creations that someone loved enough to bring into being.
“By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired.”
~ Franz Kafka